men = sex toys

So I get a lot of surprised looks from family and men in general when I tell them I have never owned a sex toy.

Seriously – why would I? Isn’t that what YOU are for?

I have standards and they include “Accept no substitutes and give no discounts”
Your mouth, your hands, and your package are just what I want and having them any way I want (or if I am in a giving mood- any way YOU want) is just fine with me.

I have been a little frustrated lately though. Dating and searching for the next “Greatest Lover Ever” will do that to a girl. To that end I have found myself across the table at countless fancy restraunts, in movie theaters, clubs, private dinners with the “entertainment folk of La LA land” and secretly been texting under the table or with my hands thrust inside my purse and Moto-Q on silent but tapping away.

I am writing to all the lovers past. I have this knack of telling them I am on a date. Maybe surreptitiously taking a picture of my potential play mate and texting it to them along with details of what my plans are.

I know it is cruel – to remind them of the perfect blow jobs they used to get routinely or on surprise – or to remind them that I squirt . . . but it gets me off, and when the man I am dining with may never get the chance to try to do the same: I am glad they are out there. My boy toys.