more great stuff on Craig’s List

I have this fantasy about being in a relationship with a woman who I just adore, someone dominant, who knows what she wants, and someone who might want a submissive cuckold boyfriend. I long to be subjugated to you, to be underneath you, less than you, and I would be your cuckold boyfriend if you wish it. I would love to be close to you, to be allowed to cuddle with you, to please you, I especially would love to be allowed to pamper you, to bathe you, brush your hair, rub your feet, but if you decide that I’m to never be allowed to have sex with you, that I’m too submissive and pathetic to ever be worthy of such a thing, and that you would only let a real man have sex with you, I would accept my place. If you were to decide that I’m not really even a man, and to keep me locked in a chastity device, not allowed use of my penis at all, prevented from even being able to get an erection or to be able to touch my penis at all, I would accept, and give you the only key. And you could laugh at me, at how pathetic I am, at how I would never be able to satisfy a woman, with my limp little dick locked up in chastity while you give yourself to a real man… In truth, I even went and bought a chastity device recently… You could make me help prepare you for a date with a real man, or to go out and meet men, tease me and drive me crazy with lust and frustration, reminding me how I’m too pathetic to be allowed to have sex with you, and that I don’t deserve any release, or to be allowed to touch my penis at all. You could make me go with you, and flirt with guys right in front of me, telling them that I’m your bitch, and humiliating me in public. I would be submissive to you in all things, you could talk down to me, humiliate me in front of others, ridicule me, put me down, ruin me, take away my manhood, and tell me to do things, I would always obey you… You could have me serve you too, like a slave even, and in your daily life, cleaning after you, doing all your housework, serving you intimately, doing as I’m told. I just long to be your bitch really…

Sorry Losers, No more pity dates

It’s true. I ditched a date in the middle of “Batman: The Dark Knight” today.

Eww. He fidgets and makes weird mouth noises and is possibly a virgin. I swear he left PETTING me across the table like I was his cat. in the theater he scooted super close and reached across his body to rub my arm. It tickles.

I did not want to kiss him, I did not want to sit next to him, and to be honest – I sure did not want to even know him. NASTY

I told him I had to move my car and then drove to get a hair cut and texted him my apologies. He called and asked if I wanted him to come hang for a while at my place.

ummmmm, NO!

men = sex toys

So I get a lot of surprised looks from family and men in general when I tell them I have never owned a sex toy.

Seriously – why would I? Isn’t that what YOU are for?

I have standards and they include “Accept no substitutes and give no discounts”
Your mouth, your hands, and your package are just what I want and having them any way I want (or if I am in a giving mood- any way YOU want) is just fine with me.

I have been a little frustrated lately though. Dating and searching for the next “Greatest Lover Ever” will do that to a girl. To that end I have found myself across the table at countless fancy restraunts, in movie theaters, clubs, private dinners with the “entertainment folk of La LA land” and secretly been texting under the table or with my hands thrust inside my purse and Moto-Q on silent but tapping away.

I am writing to all the lovers past. I have this knack of telling them I am on a date. Maybe surreptitiously taking a picture of my potential play mate and texting it to them along with details of what my plans are.

I know it is cruel – to remind them of the perfect blow jobs they used to get routinely or on surprise – or to remind them that I squirt . . . but it gets me off, and when the man I am dining with may never get the chance to try to do the same: I am glad they are out there. My boy toys.

My responce when a former lover had to get “permission” to hang with me.

“Dear B’s girlfriend,

I have seen him naked, he has touched and worshipped every inch of me. I have a comfortably well off family (not in the 1%, but hey…) and B was with me in some of the scariest days of my life.

I have sucked and fucked him and in the end I recycled because I loved him too much to be in a romantic relationship with him when we out grew that relationship.

If I wanted him back, I could have him crawling on the floow and sucking my toes while he begged me to bed and wed him.

I don’t want him, but I do want him happy – so get your shit together and treat him right orI will tell him I want him and he will believe it- just long enough for him to dump and humiliate your sorry ass.

Got it?

Hugs and Kisses,

Princess”

hook up with steve

http://lasvegas.craigslist.org/cas/717685355.html

The difference between men and women is Capt’n Crunch ?

- another CL find-

O.K. – I’ve stumbled upon the crux(differences)between women and men….Men need sugar- and women need sticks(leaves, sprouts, oats)….You see- when we’re young- both boys and girls love Fruit Loops and Capt. Crunch…But as we get older- something happens in women- that doesn’t occur in men…Somewhere around 12- 13- girls(women)start to eat differently- they start to wander away from Fruit Loops and Capt. Crunch- and start foraging on sticks and grains and straw- while men continue slurping on cereal….Men never lose their desire for Capt. Crunch – Yet later in life- as women become mothers- we see them chastising their husbands for their refusal to eat sticks- and forcing their children to eat Grape Nuts and Shredded Wheat(all the while looking at their father’s for relief)….

• .You can just imagine the horror at school- when the kid opens his/her lunch-pale and discovers a granola bar- instead of a Snickers Bar…..

What I’m proposing- is for women to re-discover their inner Fruit Loop- and try to re-connect with their dormant Capt. Crunch…This re-discovery will re-invigorate all your immediate and peripheral relationships- for the tacit benefit of all…Think about it – Your kids will be happier(less stress)- your husband will be happier(more sex)- and you’ll re-discover bowling and fishing – Which is really what life is all about, isn’t it?….So I’m just passing this enlightened discovery on to you(in the name of science)- in the hopes of creating a better harmony- and balancing the universe…

If any of this makes sense- then please put down your sprouts(home for aphids, knats and slug larve)- and pick up your spoon- and join me for breakfast…The first bowl is on me(hopefully not literally)…..Besides eating well- I like riding motorcycles, concerts at small venues, wine tasting and road-trips…Please inculde a pic(so I’ll have something other than the backs of cereal boxes to stare at)….

I will never say “I kiss the pig on the penis” . . . again

I was at a party and we played an interresting version of “scissors” and “spin the bottle”

here are the rules as found on “the Knot . com”:

Kiss The Pig

Great for: Adventurous, co-ed crowds

How to play: Guests sit in a circle; the maid of honor (or other brave soul) stands in the center of the circle. With absolute seriousness, she pretends to hold a small, imaginary pig out in front of her and says (with total confidence), “I kiss the pig on the nose.” She kisses the invisible pig’s snout and passes him to the guest on her left. This guest, in turn, says “I kiss the pig on the earlobe” (or other body part), kisses him, and then passes the pig on to the next guest, etc. Guests must always select unique body parts to kiss. When the pig has been passed around the entire circle, the maid of honor stands up and announces, “Okay, now you have to kiss the person to your left exactly where you kissed the pig!” One by one, guests must follow her saucy command.

Pointers: While this game is hilarious, parents and grandparents might not be so amused. It’s perfect for a young, cocktail-swilling crowd.

aww, look, I found a picture of you on a recent date…

darn, I love Craigslist! -

“I Saved Latin…What Did You Ever Do??” – 25 (Culver City)
Reply to: pers-681341436@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-05-14, 11:52PM PDT

I found this big empty box a little daunting and I tried about a dozen different summaries, but they all seemed insincere so I decided to have a conversation instead.

Me: Well, I’ll tell you a little bit about myself: I’m just a regular guy looking for-

Me2: Yikes…

Me: What?

Me2: Really? That’s so boring.

Me: But it’s true.

Me2: No, no, how about “I’m an incredibly charismatic and sexy guy, once you get to know me. I can make you feel good in all kinds of ways.”

Me: Wow, ok, I guess that works. A little naughty.

Me2: Trust me.

Me: All right. Well, in addition to that, I’m really perceptive, imaginative, and -

Me2: *snore*

Me: What now?

Me2: Come on, you’re just rattling off adjectives now? Totally unoriginal!

Me: Oh…

Me2: Try this. “Once you get used to my dry sense of humor, I will make you piss your pants laughing. I’m smart too (*cough*Two degrees from UCLA in English and Economics*cough*). Sometimes my jokes go over even my own head. But don’t worry, I can make a poo joke now and again because, let’s face it, there’s almost nothing funnier than poo. And yes, I may put you in one of my screenplays, but hey, that comes with the territory if you’re going to hang out with a writer – a badass, kickass, awesomeass writer. But fear not, I always change the names to protect the guilty.”

Me: Hmm..that makes me sound kinda arrogant.

Me2: Don’t worry, chicks dig a little bit of that.

Me: Well, you know what’s best. *ahem* I place great value on my family and friends.

Me2: *Rolls eyes* Oh please.

Me: Fine! What would you say then?

Me2: “I’ve got great friends and a kickass family that I trust with my very life. I’ve already got a great support system, so don’t worry about me being one of those clingy guys that gets all possessive. You give me my space and I’ll give you yours.”

Me: I guess that sounds ok.

Me2: You bet your sweet keester, Meester.

Me: Well let me finish up by saying-

Me2: Oh, shut up already. “Honestly, I’m one of the coolest, funniest people I know so really you should act now before I’m off the market. Yes, you may get put on a waiting list, but I’m worth the wait. I’m a great listener, a cuddler (just not in public) and I’m always there for those I care about. Seriously, don’t wait or it might be too late.” Bam!

Me: Ok, that’s pretty good. Oh wait, I almost forgot the ‘what I’m looking for’ part!

Me2: Oh here we go…

Me: I’d really like to find-

Me2: Nah nah nah. Grow a pair already. “If you ain’t got at least a C-cup (will consider B+), don’t even bother. And I’m talking natural..none of this bolted-on shit. You better have some meat on your bones, but not fat. THERE’S A DIFFERENCE. And somebody who likes to swal-”

Me: Oh good God, just stop right there!

Me2: What? Too much?

Me: Yes!

Me2: Tough. I know what I want.

Me: Well, how about you let me finish it off here.

Me2: Fine. Just don’t get too weepy.

Me: I guess I’d like to find someone who can share my geeky interests (Rock Band/zombie flicks/Futurama) but can still be sexy and funny and creative, all-in-one. Like Pert Plus, but in the form of an awesome girl. Anyway, give me a shout if you know what it’s all about (And bonus points to you if you know what movie the quote in my title comes from WITHOUT looking it up).

Me2: Nice one…NOT. I’m outta here.

Me: Where are you going?

Me2: Finding someone to hang out with who’s way more suave than you. Hey, what do you think Rico Suave is up to these days?

Whoring myself out for Disneyland?

Oh Yosemite,

You have my number, but you mis-dialed on this one. I think you are FABU – and I soo enjoy spending time with you (even though you make me pay occasionally **cough cough – cheap).

But I don’t think I could watch you bone anyone and then still be able to face Mickey in the morning.

———————_______________——————————-

I am a SAINT, not a whore, however if you find me someone who could really appreciate my sainthood – I might change my too good ways and hook you up with one of my orally fixated skanky friends like IzaWhore.

I really don’t see what there is to wrap your head around with my request though. I need 4 things (it used to be three but then I got burned – thanks to M)  You can do it – you see men all the time. I have faith in you – where as I have soo little faith in men as a whole these days.